Illuminate: Upper YA Paranormal Romance Read online

  Her voice was little more than a ragged whisper as she answered. “There was trouble. He had to leave us.”

  Zolten’s lips pressed tightly together. He muttered before he drew away, leaving her trembling with tears staining her cheeks.

  Tarquin’s voice was tight as he dropped to a crouch in front of her. “Don’t let him upset you. He’s an old fool. You showed me something. Something I want to know more about. You aren’t a mistake, Merrin. Not to me.”

  Her sniff was lost amongst a fresh flood of tears at the tenderness displayed on his face. He lifted a hand and cupped her cheek. The light in his eyes dimmed when he spoke words that sank into the deepest parts of her battered heart. “We don’t need any of this. All these rules made by stupid old men in councils. Let me look after you. We can do anything, go anywhere. As long as we’re together, we can be happy.”

  Merrin searched his eyes; she felt the warmth in his fingers and found herself nodding, her voice too husky with longing. “Please ask me again when you’re not touching me. I’m so confused right now. I can’t seem to think as clearly I should be.”

  The faintest warning sparked in her belly, a low grumble that she was out of her depth with him. With every second in his company, her mind grew less focussed and more scrambled. As though just being near him was a toxin somehow, but the pull towards him was growing rather than lessening.

  The fight was dying: only doubt and confusion remained at the emotions he evoked in her.

  His brow creased, his eyes lingering on her lips before he kissed her softly and pulled away, his hands dropping to his side. “How about now?”

  Merrin waited a moment, until she thought her thoughts might be her own. But as she studied his face, the way his hair fell across his forehead and the curve of his jaw, she had little doubt she’d follow him wherever he went.

  And that was precisely why she was terrified.

  ***

  Tarquin rocked back on his heels and studied Merrin as she sat up a little taller. A change seemed to settle on her, a change that didn’t bode well for him.

  The set to her face, though still wet with tears, convinced him he’d lost the fight for now. “We should keep trying to retrieve your memories. We came here for Zolten’s help, and we still need it.”

  He ran a hand over his face, his fingertips still carrying the slightest hint of cold that called him back to the reason she’d dragged him here.

  The old man who he’d threatened. The old man who likely walked in on something that looked altogether bad.

  A groan slipped from his mouth, his cheeks heating at his lack of control. Time and a place, Tarquin.

  He grimaced as he sought an apology. But how could he apologise for what he’d almost done?

  Is this normal for me? Have I forgotten so much?

  His throat grew thick as Merrin pushed her hair behind her ear and his heart sped. “I remembered something. The vows two people say. I want to say them with you.”

  Merrin’s eyes widened; her breath caught as she stared open-mouthed at him. “Now?”

  Tarquin’s nerves pulsed through him, more for the possibility she might say no than anything else. “Yes.”

  Her lips formed a pout that matched her furrowed brow. Her silence caused his heart to palpitate.

  He held his breath, taking little encouragement from the glow building in her eyes. Finally, she exhaled, her brow relaxed, and a sad smile flittered across her face. “You don’t understand what you’re saying. Once you get your memories back, you won’t feel this way. You’re confusing me with the warmth and light. That’s all.”

  Tarquin’s lips twitched. “That’s not what I’m doing. I’m not confused about how I feel.”

  Merrin’s sigh was long before she swiped at her eyes and motioned to the exit. “We should find Zolten. I think it’s best we have a chaperone from now on. Just until you’re clear on a few things.”

  Before he could produce anything to convince her his feelings were real, she was gone.

  Tarquin exhaled slowly. A snatch of conversation, like a whisper, swirled around him as he scanned the tent, searching for the wind Merrin said spoke to her.

  Perhaps it speaks to me too?

  He strained, closing his eyes as he focussed on listening to the voice that pulled at his heart and spoke to the broken pieces in his shattered mind.

  Together you are stronger.

  Tarquin’s eyes opened, his legs propelling him out the tent in search of confirmation of what the wind was calling him to do.

  ***

  Merrin’s heart thumped in her chest as she sought out Zolten in the darkened camp. Her eyes adjusting quickly, she found him crouched, studying the ground beneath him.

  His words still ringing in her ears, Merrin steeled herself to ask the question thrumming through her. A question that filled her with dread and made her stomach churn with anxiety.

  “What are the Templetons?”

  Zolten rose slowly, his face curiously dark, eyes no longer light. “Cursed half breeds who always revert back to what they’ve lived. You should steer clear of him. Leave him here if need be, before you do something you’ll live to regret.”

  The words locked inside her, her pulse thrumming with emotions. “Cursed by who?”

  Zolten’s eyes shifted slightly before she heard the footfalls of Tarquin. Her throat closed over, heat travelling down her spine as he stood close. “Tell me.”

  Zolten’s sigh echoed around the clearing. “He’ll remember in time. He needs to wake up first.”

  Merrin shared a sideways look at Tarquin. “What do you mean, wake up?”

  Zolten frowned. “The council should have told you. You should have known about the Templetons. You never would have gone after him if you’d known.”

  He tut-tutted as he squatted on the ground. “His kind are sleepwalking through this life. Going where the strongest voice leads them.”

  Tarquin bristled visibly, though she was watching sidelong. His anger seemed to be growing. “What are you saying? I deserved to be taken from my family?”

  Zolten shrugged, his apathy more evidence of how far he’d fallen from the mandate set by the council.

  “You carry the stain of your ancestor’s failure. Tartarean blood seeks those it can control. You were taken because you chose to be. Just like all your kind.”

  Merrin heart clenched, her own anger rising at the continued insults. Now not just towards her, but towards the charge she’d saved. No one would have chosen to live under Tartarean. Had Zolten lived so long he’d forgotten Tartarean stole children away?

  “Do you have anything helpful to add, or you just going to condemn us for what we can’t change?”

  Tarquin’s jaw worked frantically, but he nodded his agreement. “We came for help. A decent person would offer a solution.”

  Zolten snorted then shook his head. “You don’t understand. There is no solution for what you are. It’s only a matter of time before the dark consumes you. It’s inevitable.”

  “Are you saying there is no chance at all?”

  Zolten narrowed his burning gaze. “That’s what I keep telling you, girl. You couldn’t see he couldn’t be saved. But you wasted your time anyway.”

  Hot indignation rose inside her, eyes blazing her anger as she took a step forward. “Tarquin is not a waste of my time. I was sent to find him. Onom does not makes mistakes. And I know I can help him.”

  Zolten’s eyebrows rose. “And that is exactly why you can’t. He’s gotten inside your head, and you can’t separate your own feelings from what he’s telling you.”

  Merrin’s fists clenched at her sides. Fire fuelled her words. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. It’s not because we kiss–”

  The words lodged in her throat, her cheeks blazing embarrassment as she realised what she’d said.

  Had her feelings changed towards him? From the moment he’d touched her in her home, then to the kiss he given her out of pity, and the desi
re to make her feel better, to almost...

  A solid lump caught in her throat. Her gaze flittered to Tarquin, who stared at Zolten, irritation written all over his face.

  He stepped a little closer and curled his fingers around her arm. Warmth carrying from his fingers, giving her hope Zolten was wrong. “If you know so much, why aren’t you still with the council?”

  Merrin held her breath as they waited for Zolten’s answer. “Are you questioning me, boy?”

  Tarquin’s laugh was forced. “You have a problem with being questioned? Doesn’t the truth stand up to questioning?”

  Her stomach flipped at the flash of emotion crossing Zolten’s face.

  He’s scared.

  Tarquin let go of her arm and walked closer to where Zolten was giving them a hard stare.

  Instinctively she shifted so she could stand closer should he need her. From the look on his face, he was angry enough to do something she couldn’t allow him to.

  There would be repercussions if Tarquin harmed Zolten while under her care.

  Tarquin moved so swiftly, he was crouching in front of Zolten before she knew to miss him. She opened her mouth to caution him, her teeth slamming together as Tarquin grabbed a hold of the old hermit’s arm.

  Zolten cried out but froze, shock lacing his face, his eyes dimming as Tarquin closed his eyes.

  Merrin’s heart leapt into her throat as she realised what he was trying to do. She didn’t move, barely breathing as Tarquin’s eyes opened, blazing so brilliantly she could barely stand to look.

  Tarquin’s voice was strong as the slightest of smiles twitched at his lips. “You’re afraid of me. Afraid of what I can do to you. Afraid of what will happen if the truth gets out. The truth you tried to bury.”

  Merrin’s nerves increased as she edged closer, pressing her back into the hillside so she could watch on.

  Tarquin was reading Zolten’s inner light. Seeing him. Doing exactly what the old hermit had done to her.

  That’s not possible. It takes decades to obtain that skill.

  Tarquin’s face contorted as though he were in pain. The faintest shake to his voice appeared as he spoke.

  “You hide away in the mountains because you are afraid. Afraid of Tartarean’s growing power. You hate the council because they see you for who you are, and you despise their pity…”

  He paused as though collecting himself, the old man’s shoulders now trembling as Tarquin held him. “Pity for a weak, frightened old man who is losing connection with the light.”

  Merrin inhaled sharply. And Tarquin turned his head, his eyes seeking hers, causing her to squint with the intensity. “He’s afraid of us both. He’s been hiding here because the council told him Tartarean was growing stronger, and they wanted his help formulating a plan. He’s a coward, Merrin.”

  Tarquin released his grip, leaving Zolten gasping for air. His hands flew to his eyes. “The Chief is losing control. The Luminary have been infiltrated.”

  He stumbled backwards, scrabbling over the frozen ground, his sobs carrying in the night as he took awkward steps in his haste to get away from them.

  Tarquin rose to his feet, his eyes dimming as he approached her. His shoulders were rigid. “He’s right. There’s a war coming. A war like nothing before. We’ve been lied to for too long now. By the Tartarean, by the council of Luminary. There’s more at play than even Zolten knows.”

  Merrin studied him, her heart thrashing in her chest, warmth smothering her as light began to grow inside her, mingling with his.

  “I see why you were sent to find me. I need to break the bond with him, by making a new one…”

  Doubt threatened to steal what was left of her. So many questions burned at her lips she thought they might catch fire and consume her completely.

  Everything he was saying was irrational. Illogical. But from within the deepest part of her wounded soul, she knew it was the truth.

  The truth long denied.

  Merrin took a hesitant step towards him. “We need to see the council. I want to hear why they lied.”

  Tarquin’s smile was as warm as his hands as he grasped hers. “We’ll leave in the morning.”

  He kissed her softly, and Merrin felt the connection between them grow.

  He was no mistake. And neither was she.

  She pulled apart and whispered the words she’d never thought possible. “I don’t know what to believe right now.”

  His posture stiffened. “I want to say the bonding vows with you. It’s an old custom, I know. But that’s something I can remember. If two pledge their love and vow to Onom their intent, they are bonded for all eternity under His law.”

  Confusion stole her thoughts as she considered what that would mean. For Luminary, the vow meant overriding the oath and a life of service. To accept Tarquin’s bond would shatter the oath she’d made.

  There were regulations, contracts to be signed, the Chief to grant his permission...but none of that seemed to matter as her head swum with desire.

  Her heart thumped in her chest as she looked into his eyes. Flickering light, flashes of brilliance, lurked within. “I can’t think. Please. Not now.”

  His eyes grew brighter as he wrapped his hand around the back of her neck and pressed his forehead to hers. “I vow. I will love you until my dying day. Say it, Merrin. Vow to me.”

  Her heart thudded in her chest as thoughts pulsed through her addled mind. Confusion swirled amidst the growing attraction she felt for him. She’d never been so consumed by someone, so desperate to make them happy. To give in would be so easy. Her body thrummed with need, with desire and loneliness.

  Her voice was a croak as she struggled to draw breath, let alone a single coherent thought. “I made a vow before. I, I, I can’t just break it.”

  Tarquin’s grip around the back of her neck increased. “No one can love you like I can. No one.”

  Tarquin’s kiss smothered the last part of her consciousness. Her brain clouded over, a slight chill travelling down her spine as she gave in to the flood of desire washing away the oath which had done nothing but cover old lies with new.

  Lies she’d been too willing to believe until Tarquin had arrived and shown her how blind she’d been.

  The heat between them intensified as he broke away long enough to sweep her up and carry her towards the tent. They stumbled inside, and he set her on her feet, every part of her body consumed by the need to please him. A thought hammered in her head as he tugged off his shirt and his mouth sought hers again. Not like this.

  She pushed away from him, her skin rising as she covered her eyes, so she didn’t have to see his need for her.

  The softest sensation of wind tickled her as she stumbled backwards. Her flesh craving Tarquin as she murmured a fevered prayer for permission. The answer she received like a slap to the face.

  Wait.

  ***

  Tarquin’s chest was heaving, his skin burning with desire as he stepped towards Merrin. “What’s wrong?”

  Her hands fell from her face, her eyes filled. “I care about you, Tarquin. I really do. And I want to. Onom help me. But I can’t.”

  His face heated, desire washed away by shame. Shame so great it burned with pain as he saw his actions from her eyes.

  “Merrin, I’m so sorry I rushed you. If you’d seen what I saw…”

  But she hadn’t seen. All she’d seen was his fumbled advances and half promises whispered in the heat of the moment.

  He wanted her so desperately—needed her—and if he could just show her, just get her to understand what he’d been shown, then maybe she’d stop looking at him as though he were the monster he feared he really was. “I’m so sorry. I just…I have no excuse.”

  Her smile was fragile, her lip caught in her teeth as she nodded weakly. “I can’t do all this on my own. We need to find someone to help you. I can’t risk losing you. I can’t risk you going back.”

  Her tears spilled over, her voice rough as she forced the words
out. “I lost my last charge. I told him everything at once when Skylar warned me not to. I made so many mistakes, and because of it, I promised myself to never put my own needs above the needs of my charge. But I’m doing it again. I was so lonely, Tarquin. You were right. I shouldn’t be on my own. I don’t want to be on my own. The council didn’t make me guard the forest. I chose that because I was far away from people as I could get.”

  She sniffed, her eyes pleading with him. “You understand, don’t you?”

  Tarquin’s shoulders were as rigid as his jaw, but he forced a nod. “I think so. But these walls you put up, how long till they come crashing down around you? Everybody needs someone, Merrin. Even you.”

  Her chocked sob smothered her reply. “I won’t lose you. I shouldn’t have brought you out of the forest. Skylar told me not to, but I didn’t listen to him.”

  A bolt of jealousy shot through him. He quashed it and ran a hand over his face. “Well. What’s happened has happened. We need to find a way to make the best of things.”

  Merrin nodded weakly. “Tomorrow we’ll head back to Evanswood. Where I should have taken you in the first place.”

  She glanced at him before she crossed to the tent opening they moments ago had stumbled through without a backwards glance. She left him in a daze of dull anger at what he’d lost when she’d turned him down.

  Chapter 10.

  The morning hadn’t come quickly enough. Merrin’s nerves increased as Tarquin slid a sly look sidelong as they packed the camp away, working in uncomfortable silence. The snow began to fall steadily around them, likely making the passage back even more treacherous.

  Even with the donkeys, the Sherpa’s absence was a blow to their attempt to get back to Evanswood.

  Her eyes flicked towards where Zolten had scurried away to. No one knew the mountains like he did. Maybe they should go find him and ask for his assistance?

  Tarquin snorted beside her as he ripped the tent peg from the ground. “You really think he’ll help us after what I did to him?”

  Her heart rate increased. “How did you know I was thinking that?”

  He carefully began to roll the tent up. “I didn’t. And you’re wasting your time. He came here to die. And nothing is going to alter that.”